you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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