wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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