My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
