Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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