He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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