Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
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