he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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