i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
