I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
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