It's Friday. Sex?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
