I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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