I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
