I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
