State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
