Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
