is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
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