singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
