We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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