News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
