i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
