I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
