Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
