Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
