I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
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