She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
