ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize