bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
