I wannas sexs uuuuu
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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