Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
