JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
