I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
