The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
