Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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