either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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