oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
