every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize