Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i just google imaged poop.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
