I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I love you. Go after that dick
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
