Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Randomize
