Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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