turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
