Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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