Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
