I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
