he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize