dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
