guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
