Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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