So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
