Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
