You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
