Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Randomize
