summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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