just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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