Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
