I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
