trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
