Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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