so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
