Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm passing your future prison.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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