I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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