oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
