Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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