She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
