your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
