it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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