the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
