Moan for me like Helen Keller
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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