I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
